there you go...

this cute little girl in the pic with anna lost her mom this week. i'm sad and shocked all at once. the mom had two daughters whom were both in carson's and anna's class at school. we have had them over here to play--they've been to each other's birthday parties, sleepovers and all sorts of class events. i saw this mom last monday on a little local field trip with anna's class. i knew she had recently lost her mother and talked to her about that. i told her i had some cute pics of anna and her daughter and i wanted to get her email address to send them to her. of course by the end of the field trip i hadn't gotten it and so never got to send the pictures to her. i just realized that a moment ago and it really made me sad. it made me realize that life is fragile. and short.

i am so sad for the two little girls that now have to grow up without a mom in their life. when ever things like this happen i am confronted with my own mortality and with the events in life that can alter you or people you know in a heartbeat. i can't imagine a life for my girls with out me in it. i'm not a perfect mom but i know that out of all the things that i attempt or try, i'm really good at the mom thing. it's what i always wanted to be. i enjoy it. i'm proud of it. i like having my kids around me. i like the relationships i have with my children. brianne and i emailed back and forth today and i'm so lucky to have that. children that want my opinion. children that need my help and love. someone for them that they can just say--hey, i'm having a crappy day will you listen to me? or hey--i just made this fabulous thing and i want to show you. or hey will you wipe my butt? kiss my ouchie? listen to my song? rub my back? lay down with me? leave the door open? kiss me goodnight? i can't even stand to think of not being there for them. and it's not like i'm all selfish and would miss those things--though i would--it's more that i want my kids to have me be there for them.

the weird thing is that some friends and i were also emailing back and forth today about the crappy economy and how it's affecting us and our families and how we deal/don't deal with it. and i told them that as i was thinking all this week about my life and everything going on i find out about this mom being in the hospital and how it kind of yanked me out of my pity party and helped me to remember how wonderful things are in my life and how many blessings i do have. and i told my friends about this woman whom i had just seen a week ago and what problems do i have compared to that? i didn't know until a few hours ago that she had died.

anyway--life is tough, hard, stressful and difficult. sometimes it seems it's more work than anything. but there is plenty to be grateful for. like if you can tuck your kids into bed tonight and tell them you love them, well, life is pretty damn good...L