there you go...

ahhh, a new post. i wanted to update tomorrow. i have a lot of pics and some cute projects that i want to post. but that will be later. some things happened today that i need to put down in writing. so to speak.

so for the last few days, weeks, whatever, i have been in some weird kind of "mid-life crisis" sort of thing. wondering if the path i am on is right for me, if i should be doing something else, if i should go back to school or get a job when haley starts kindergarten. all these different feeling and worries. how i'm not talented enough or good enough to do something. i'm sure everyone goes through these times. i'm not the only one. but i haven't gone through feeling like this for a long time.

anyway--i told dave, as best i could, what i was feeling like and he said "you already have a job--you're a mom". and it felt kind of cliche. sort of like, yeah, yeah--i've heard it all before. i know how important it is but maybe if you've never done anything else you wonder if that is all you can or should do.

so fast forward to today. feeling miserable. mainly physical. i did have a slight fever--i took my temp. anyway--i got a call from brianne today. she was not having a good day. some things happened to upset her and so i listened and told her how i felt and that everything was fine, or going to be okay, and offered advice on how to deal with her problem.

then later today another girl problem with carson. some tears and feeling bad. i talked to her and let her know that we would work it out. find solutions. everything would be ok.

later on i got a call from brianne--telling me she was feeling better and thanking me for listening to her and helping her. then before carson went to bed she came in and gave me a hug. thanking me for helping her and listening and telling me she wouldn't know what she would do without me.

it wasn't until i was writing an email to kerry that i realized the importance of everything. the importance of me having a non-emotional personality that allows me to listen to my girls calmly and without getting emotional myself to help them out. not
that i don't get emotional too--trust me i do. but for the most part i can listen rationally and dissect myself from the problem.

and it made me feel better. not that my girls went through troubles, but that i was able to help. that i did something right. and i won't get paid for it or get an award or be well known. no one really will ever know about it but my kids. and that's ok. i can live with that. and the fact that motherhood is the job that suits me best...L